DARK HARVEST II
by Fiona Bunny
Summary: ***EPILOGUE is up to explain what happened in last chapter*** Hey I tried to make this as close to the show as possible. YOU MUST--er--please R&R and feel free to tear it apart, with your teeth.
1. The Insanity (Government Class)

Government Class 

"Today class, you will learn about the death penalty," Ms. Bitters began monotonously, "Unfortunately, our field trip to the local execution has been cancelled. The prisoner tried to escape and was eaten by the gaurd dogs. His skull is on display in the Prison Gift Shop. Today instead of that, we'll do an in class demonstration. Any volunteers?" 

No one moved. Brian stared dumbly at Ms. Bitters. From his lips hung one drop of saliva, which loudly splashed onto his desk. Ms. Bitter's was instantly at his side. Suddenly Zim entered class, slamed the door loudly, and seated himself. 

"ZIM!" Ms. Bitters screamed in vengeance and she slithered to his side, "This is the 256th time you were late this week, not counting the times you suddenly left and returned for no apparant reason and the times you went to the bathroom and never returned. For that, you will demonstrate the death penalty for the class." 

"**256**?!" Zim shouted in amazement and argued, "Zim is NEVER_ late_. At least not for 256 times. If I remember correctly, it was 253 times." 

"Do it NOW. Or you will fail this class." Ms. Bitters threatened. A cockroach crawled into her ear. 

"I have a question," Zim stood on his desk and waved his arms at Ms. Bitters and seated himself before he asked smiling, "Is it possible to rule the human race with an F in social studies class? Tellll ME, TELL ME." 

"No." Ms. Bitters snarled as she motioned for him to go to the front of the class. 

Alright." Zim said blankly as he walked to the chalkboard. He stuck his spider-like hands into his mouth. Squishy noises were heard. Promptly, he removed a beating and rather gooey organ and began screaming in pain. 

The class was moved to pity: a few stared mutely in disgust, while others chewed on their pencil or continued to stare out the window. Retchie puked and juicy portions of his last meal splattered on the ground. The class suddenly became alert to the disaster area and the painful smell of old lasagna; all except Dib, who was amazed and delighted. He couldn't wait to get his hands on the organ and experiment with it. _Fascinating. I wonder if that's his sqeedly spooch..._

"Society," Ms. Bitters began darkly despite the commotion, "is inherently doomed and will end in an IMPLOSION, like all things. That is because we have a dirty society that breeds millions of dirty children like you, who will inevitably follow the destructive criminal paths of your forefathers." 

The students began climbing on desks and the Class suddenly faced a dilemma. If they move away from the puke, then they'll be safe from Retchie's gasic juices but... 

Penny spoke for her classmates, "If we get away from the puke, we'll have to go near Dib." 

The class was dumbfounded. What to do? 

"To remedy your animal instincts toward crime," Ms. Bitters continued, "is to eliminate you one by one in bizarre accidents organized by the government or in state-sponsored executions."

"But aren't those two things the same?" Dib asked to stall for time to study Zim. Dib fidgeted and nervously surveyed the room to see if anyone noticed the strangeness of Zim's organ. He took especial delight in Zim's excruciating experience, and he wished he just had some popcorn to go along with the show. 

"That's not part of our discussion," She cut him off and continued slowly. "So our society is doomed. It is doomed like your mother's microwave. You, Sarah, you are doomed. Our lack of funding for pencils is part of our doom. Doom... Nothing but DOOM...and yet, there is NOTHING. There is NOTHING and there is DOOM. Doom of nothing, the nothingness of doom, and the nothingness of nothing..." 

This was Dib's opportunity, Ms. Bitters had relapsed into her rhetoric of implosions, doom, and nothing. Nothing stood in his way to score another victory for mankind against the traitorous alien freak before him. Zim, meanwhile, was changing to a hue of bright red as he struggled to ignore his lack of a vital organ. Zim was on the verge of exhaustion when Dib pounced on him. Zim's organ flew from his grasp, bounced, plopped, and landed in its juicy glory near the door. 

"Doom..." Ms. Bitters continued ominously. 

The two struggled on the ground to reach the organ. 

Dib gritted his teeth, "Alien! I'm gonna get all of your organs one day and put them in little jars and-and-and..._look_ at them." 

Zim shrieked in replied, "The PAIN! ARCK, my spine!" 

Dib pushed Zim aside and scrambled to the door where the precious organ lay. Zim clawed the ground to get to his feet. When he rose, Dib had the organ in his hands and raised it for all to see. "Mankind is saved once more and science will be advanced!" 

"EWWW!" The class responded in unison. They had moved away from the puke and seated closer to the front of the room since Dib wasn't there. Someone threw his sneaker at Dib and it sent him and the organ sprawling to the ground. Several classmates congratulated Smacky, who bowed and accepted money donations. 

Ms. Bitters smelled something. It was beyond the average stench of her class. She leaped from her desk and stalked the aisles in pursuit of the horrible stench. It was...Retchie's daily regurgitation. "DIB." 

"Yes, Ms. Bitters?" Dib dropped the organ and jumped to attention. 

"Clean up this horrible mess," Ms. Dib offered him a dirty napkin that had teeth marks on a corner. 

"But I have to clean it up every day," Dib protested as he went to his filthy job. 

"Alright Zim, you may return to your horrible seat." Ms. Bitters told Zim and returned to her horrible perch. 

Zim eagerly fetched his organ, returned to his seat, and returned his organ to his body. He sat numbly, twitching in shock. 

"Yes, Dib." Mr. Bitters called on Dib. 

"Ms. Bitters, our textbook says that the death penalty is administered by somebody else,"Dib said with bits of partially digested food clinging to his clothing, "Technically what Zim did is known as 'suicide'. So can we do that again? And can I be the executor? Pleeeease?" Dib had returned to his seat. The class moved away in disgust as he approached his seat. 

Zim glared at Dib, and even in numbing pain he vowed revenge. That filthy human worm, I'll have _him_ executed with my mighty fist of death, brought to you by ZIM! 

"Alright, Dib. We can do this tomorrow." Ms. Bitters said. 

The bell rang and the mindless and filthy dirt children rushed toward the exit. 


	2. Ashes ashes we all fall down (Lunch)

Lunch 

Zim clutched his stomach as he stumbled toward the cafeteria. He groaned in pain and wondered how he could withstand another miserable eating process in the lunchroom followed by the insidious torture of 'recess.' A sign posted behind the fat lunch lady read, "Vegetarian hot-dogs come in two flavors: radioactive and non-radioactive." 

Zim filed into the lunchline to receive his ration of mush, and when it was his turn, he asked the lunch lady, " Excuse me. I've been eating your filth--I mean--food with my most human belly for several months now. And it is the most delicious food my teeth has ever swallowed. But uh..." 

"NEXT?" The lunch lady bellowed in a deep raspy voice. She then realized that an ugly green boy was trying to voice his thoughts. 

"I demand that you cook my meals differently." Zim commanded. The enormous and unkempt lunch lady glowered at him. "Please?" 

"Why?" She was not interested. Hair grew on odd parts of her face. She mildly resembled a mongoose that had been flattened by a Chevvy Blazer. 

"You see, I have health problems. This problem called...uh...heart cancer. Yes, heart infoleukocema. It is part of my skin condition, you remember that don't you? And could you cook my food in a 750 degree oven for 10 minutes?" 

"You look perfectly healthy to me," the lady said as she looked at the green boy who stood twitching and clutching his side in obvious pain. 

Suddenly Zim reeled over in pain, his crumpled body twitched spasmodically on the floor, he screamed in agony, and foam oozed from his mouth. 

"You still look healthy to me." The lunch lady grunted with annoyance. It was not her job to make sure children are fed properly. She poured some extra octane gasoline onto Zim's food and set it on fire. Meanwhile no one noticed Zim's agony nor the high-powered flames that emerged from the kitchen. Dib, however, giggled with glee nearby. When Zim recovered, he took his incinerated food to his usual secluded table. Zim sighed with relief and took pleasure in sniffing the ashes of his meal. 

Dib appeared behind Zim and said, "No _human_ could possibly eat that, Zim." 

"What makes you think I'm going to eat it, DIB? You know better than I do that I don't eat lunch." 

"Well I don't know," Dib became doubtful and challenged, "Then go ahead. EAT it." 

Zim,"How do you know, this isn't poisonous to me?" 

"Well..." Dib reflected and suddenly knocked the plate onto Zim. 

"AHHHH!" Zim yelled and waved his arms wildly. 

Dib giggled like a schoolboy who was obsessed with tormeting aliens. He brought out his thermos so that he could pour some water on Zim. He suddenly noted, "This is a great day." 

Zim suddenly became still, "Foolish Dib, you think your puny liquid can hurt me EVERY day??" 

Dib suddenly noticed that the ash that was stuck on Zim's skin was now gone. He hoped that the lunchroom had noticed the same paranormal sight that he had just sighted. He noticed that no one had, as usual. 

"Oh yeah?" Dib said mildly and threw his open thermos at Zim and ran to hide behind his sister, Gaz. It's wet contents splashed Zim's face to no avail and Zim mocked him with loud, wicked laughter. 

Gaz spoke while playing her GS 2, "Dib, you got my shirt dirty, again. I'm going to have to annihilate you soon." 

"Gaz, save me." Dib whispered fiercely as he saw Zim approaching. He wish that he had brought the new alien neutralizing spray that he bought from _Mysterious Mysteries' Paranormal Shoppe of the Paranormal_. Dib noticed that Gaz continued to angrily punch buttons on her GS2 and took care to ignore the world. "No, Gaz don't save me, save the world! Help me!" 

"Go away," She said bitterly and pushed him toward Zim, "Go play with your space freak." 

"You!" Zim said challengingly in his usual Irken battle stance, "You have tormented this perfectly normal and non-projectile weapon wielding worm baby long enough! Oh such miserable miseries you will feel. You think I don't remember all the times you took advantage of my pain--THE PAIN! One day, you will see and oh how you will see it. Revenge is mine, stink Dib. It is MINE!" 

"Ha, sure." Dib waved the challenge aside without confidence, "What are you going to do? Are you going to...um. What are you going to do?" 

"I'm not telling," Zim said teasingly and walked away nonchalantly.

Dib sighed and began to eat his lunch.  _Mmmm baloney._ He licked his fingers and felt a chill pass up his spine.  "Every time Zim threatened me about some sort of doom, something…bad would happen.  What do you think it'll be this time, Gaz?"

"GRR." Gaz growled and turned away.


	3. Dib's Day of Doom (Recess)

Recess 

Dib ran outside and saw Zim trying to participate in a game of hopscotch.  Several children lay mutilated on the ground, not because of Zim but because they were usually mutilated. 

"My spleen…" Blue groaned.  His head was where his stomach should be.

"I think I'm paralyzed for life," Green said.  He was missing his spine.

"Maybe we should go to see the nurse?" said Blue.

"Nah," said Green.

"You fools!" Zim shouted at the hop scotching girls, "Throwing stones at the ground won't make you jump higher.  And besides, those stones can't even kill a moose."

"You know, Zim," Dib spoke quietly as he appeared beside Zim, "You're supposed to do that in hopscotch. You'd know that if you were human."

"Bah." Zim walked away and approached some kids playing basketball.  Dib followed him from a distance and continued his spying.  Suddenly Dib felt very strange and he knew that it had begun again.

"Zim what did you do to me?" Dib staggered in front of Zim who was intently watching the children steal a ball from each other.  Meanwhile, Dib sank to his knees as he his flesh burned and his vision blurred.

"Stop pestering me with your noise," Zim was about to turn away when he noticed that Dib was in pain.  "Finally, I thought this would never come!  Yes! KNEEL before me, Dib slave!"

As Zim laughed, Dib's vision cleared and he noticed with horror that his skin had turned green. "NOO! This can't be!"

"Ah yes, Dib.  How would you like to be the proud owner of a squeedly spooch of your own?" Zim gloated.

"I have a squeedly spooch," Gaz said from a remote area of the playground.

"Yes, like Gaz and Blue and Green and now…You."  Zim continued.

Dib suddenly noticed that indeed those kids were a faintly green color and their eyes had glazed over with a red tint.  He shouted in defiance, "I do NOT have a squeedly spooch!  And I'll never be an _alien_ like you. I'm too human—I'm going to save mankind!"

"Now if you want to donate some organs to the," Zim shuddered, "autopsy table. Go ahead, use your own organs."

Dib felt his face and his fears came alive. His ears and nose were gone.  They had fallen off and lay in a decomposing pile before him.  

"No, No, no," Dib cried and clawed the green ooze that was his nose. Tears welled up in his eyes.  How could he become the thing he hated most?

Zim saw moisture on Dib's face and took a step back in disgust.  He muttered, "Quit your sniveling, earth creep."

Dib continued to wail.  Suddenly he stopped and asked, "Wait, you're just after me.  Why did you do this to my sister and those kids?"

"I injected my most AMAZING cells into Blue and Green as an experiment.  It worked out just fiiine," Zim drawled as he pointed to the grotesquely mutilated children.  Dib glanced and gulped.

"Your sister, um, I'm not really sure.  Why, she's not even green."

"Gaz! You must tell me how he did it to you.  I need to find a way to reverse this." Dib pleaded.

"It must have been all the times you got me wet and DIRTY." Gaz said mysteriously.

Dib was cornered.  He looked at Gaz and then at Zim furtively.  He laughed nervously. "So you're both in this together.  ALL of you aliens.  This is how you're gonna take over the world.  Turn everyone into an _aaalien_.  Well, not while I'm here!"

Dib turned and ran into skool.  Screams emerged from the building.

"It's an alien!" The biology teacher pointed at Dib with fear.

"No, you've got it all wrong.  See it's this horrible accident.  The REAL alien put his cells—" Dib tried to explain.  His transformation had worsened and he now resembled Zim except he had a really big head. "I do not have a big head!"

"EWW and it's got a big head!" The math teacher screamed.

The gruff-looking gym teacher, who was a retired sergeant, growled, "LET'S GET HIM!"

Dib shrieked and fled from the maddening mob. 


	4. Intruder Alert (Zim's House)

Zim's House 

"I'm home, Gir," Zim sang cheerfully.  He suddenly became annoyed, "Gir?"

"My Lord," Gir's eyes flashed from aqua to red.  Gir had covered his metal head in mascara and lipstick.  He wanted to be like Brittany Spears.  He leaped from his pile of Avon rubbish and stood in attention.

Zim stared, held back his nausea, and sighed. "Gir, get the Voot Cruiser ready.  I'm going out."

"But I need more lipstick." Gir said in his shrill metallic voice.  He leaped onto the couch and tuned into the Scary Monkey Show.  As the introductory song jingled, Gir tumbled around giggling.

"Nevermind, then." Zim glared at his incompetent robot, stomped off in exasperation, and announced. "Computer, take me to the docking bay."

Clanging, banging, and scratching noises resounded from the roof.  The noise stopped abruptly and Zim's voice shouted from a distance, "Gir, where's my utility pack?"

Gir's vision remained fixated upon the idiot box, and he stared in awe at the mystically scary monkey.  Happy chime music rang in the background and the monkey growled.  Gir ate some lipstick.

"Intruder alert," the computer sent out the alarm to the doorbell chime, "Intruder alert."

Zim entered the room through a closet and grimaced, "How many times have I told you **not** to turn off the lawn gnomes, GIR?  We destroy the humans.  _We_ don't barter with them!"

"Hee." Gir's tongue hung from his lower lip and he blinked at Zim.  He approached his master, opened his mouth, and red lipstick dripped and oozed onto Zim, "Somebody needs a hug."

Zim retreated toward the door fuming.  He was furious that Gir had replaced the Voot Cruiser's engine with pencil shavings.  To top that, Gir had turned off the base's outer defense to get more toxic face paint.  The door chimed again and Zim swung the door open violently, "Look lady, I don't want anymore lip glue!"

He slammed the door and was about to walk away when the doorbell rang again.  He opened the door and saw no cosmetic lady but a dark haired earth girl with large dark eyes staring at him.  

"What are **you** staring at?" He shouted and covered her face in alien spit.  He pouted fiercely waiting for her response.

"You dropped this," she told him simply and handed him his pink, spotted utility pack.

Zim yelled and snatched it from her. He rummaged its contents and looked at the girl skeptically, "This, is my uncle's prized backpack.  He used it in…_The War_."

The girl closed her eyes and collapsed at his feet.  Zim recoiled in revulsion.  He stole a glance around the neighborhood to see if anyone had noticed.  Meanwhile Gir, in his suit, had straddled to the doorway and pointed to the prostrate girl with a grin.  "Awww, I think she likes you.  Can we keep her?"

"No, Gir," Zim struggled to think. "She must hold some key information about me and the base.  But if I erase her memory…"

Zim recalled his last mind-altering mission and trembled.  Gir, in the meantime, had returned to his show.  Suddenly, the phone rang and Gir grabbed the receiver.

"Hello," the dull voice droned, "Can I talk to the head of the household?"

"You can't have it!" Gir squeaked and hung up.

"Who was that?" Zim awoke from reverie.

"I dunno." Gir answered evasively.

The phone rang again and Zim commanded, "Gir, watch the captive, while _I_ answer the phone."

"Hello?" Zim demanded into the phone and did not notice the girl stir.

"Yes, this is Marie Maria from Poop Avon speaking," said a loud lady, "Since Poop Cola and Avon's merger, we'd like to offer you—"

Zim slammed the receiver and connected to his utility pack.  "Gir, we must get rid of this human somehow.  It's probably getting hair all over the room now."

Zim turned about to deal with the dirt child and howled in fright.


	5. Stalemate (Dib's House)

Dib's House 

Gaz hunched over her GS2 in deep concentration, and the light of the television flickered on her face.  

"This just in," a slick looking WHUH reporter delivered some breaking news, "Bighead, the notorious alien with the big head is on the loose.  Eyewitnesses report that the grossly mutated alien towered just twenty feet tall and had the breath of onions.  Another claims that he is just a boy, but no one really believes that.  The city has formed a militia to combat this freak."

Professor Membrane entered the room searching for his other glove and asked, "Where's Dib?"

"Being chased by angry mobs," Gaz said sullenly.

"How nice," Professor commented, "Well, if you see him, tell him that I'll be at my lab for the rest of the night.  We've almost found the secret ingredient to soy sauce!"

As Professor left for the garage, the door flung open.  Dib rushed into the house and gasped for breath against the closed door.  The green boy had a pair of antennas, broken glasses, torn black trench coat, and smiley face shirt.  Dib had lost his shoes in his flight. 

"The police," WHUH reporter continued, "has offered their blood-hounds to sniff out the alien.  AND this just in!  WHUH has news that the alien's strange garments have been discovered."

The camera zooms in onto Dib's boots.  "Apparently, this alien thing was used to cover his…feet."

Dib ran to his room and promptly rushed into the living room. "Gaz, what did you do to my stuff?"

"I sold it to people who wanted alien artifacts."

"You what?" Dib's mouth hung agape. "Gaz, they're after me.  You've got to help me.  I'm sorry about everything, about your shirt and your other shirt, but now isn't a good time for your revenge."

"This just in, we've recovered alien artifacts!" WHUH reported gleefully and displayed the contents of Dib's room.

"Why, Gaz? WHY?" Dib sank onto the sofa.

"I needed cash.  I'm three levels from finishing this game.  I need more game chips."

Dib thought quickly and ran down to his dad's lab.  He seated at his dad's new scanning machine and told the computer, "Scan my body for viruses."

"None found." The machine sounded and displayed on the screen.

"Search my body for abnormalities."  Dib said frantically.

"Foreign substance found."

"Zoom in." Dib peered eagerly onto the screen.

The machine displayed Dib's body.  "Host is abnormal.  Substance not recognizable."

Frustrated, Dib left the lab but formulated a plan.  He found some shoes, an old towel to wrap around his head, and left determined for Zim's house.  


	6. The Mystery Girl

The Mystery Girl

Zim clamped his claws to his temples in agony to make the horrible vision stop.

The girl sat on the sofa and wept miserably.  Zim felt lost and scared.  Besides, the ashes had worn out and he had no paste nearby. He tried in vain to make her tears stop. "No! Not on the sofa!  Please, I beg you, don't cry on the _sofa_. You'll make it all wet and…stuff."

Zim swallowed his fear of tears and grimaced as he carefully stepped forward to throw some tissues at her.  She gratefully took the tissues and Zim continued to comfort her, "Hey! Hey, if you stop crying, I promise I won't tamper and experiment with your vital organs."

The girl sniffed and said desperately, "They're after you, Zim."

"Ah!" Zim yelled in panic, "You know my name.  How dare you know my name!"  

"Sorry." The girl sniffed again.

"Who's after me? Is it the…F.B.I.?" Zim asked impatiently and muttered, "That miserable Dib…"

"No, it's the whole city.  They're coming with the search dogs--"

"NOT the DOGS!" Zim flinch as he remembered the prisoner's fate.

"Yay! I'll make cupcakes!" Gir suggested eagerly.

"We must fortify ourselves," Zim said emphatically, "Computer—"

"Not so fast, Zim!" Dib, the alien with his head wrapped in a towel, entered the room.  Dib leaped with celerity to tackle Zim. 

"Gah! I forgot the lawn gnomes!" Zim's claws balled into fists defensively.

As Dib slashed through the air, Zim dodged Dib's assault but tumbled over Gir's cosmetics.  Instantly, Dib pinned Zim to the ground.

"They're coming here any minute now, and you're going to protect me." Dib's ragged face darkened as the sound of an angry crowd and bloodthirsty hounds became suddenly noticeable. 

"I'll never save you from your disemboweled fate!" Zim and Dib glared at each other in a deadlock. Zim struggled to speak, "Computer, remove the--"

Suddenly barking and snarling sounds of the hounds assailed Zim's door.  As if on cue, Dib snatched Zim's disguise and flung it out the window, and the slobbering dogs ferociously shredded the mask.

"Now, they won't know the difference between you and me.  They've found your base!  Listen Zim, they'll have us both on an autopsy table!" Dib spat.

Gir sang some little ditty, as he went to mix some batter.  Meanwhile the girl grew confused as she shifted her gaze from Zim to Dib and then to Zim.  She went to the window and saw the angry mob ranting at Zim's door.  Many carried torches and others carried signs protesting, "No more onion breath!"

"Well?" Dib asked triumphantly into his face. "What's your plan now?"

Zim grunted and smacked Dib aside.  He narrowed his eyes and shouted, "Computer, _remove_ the **intruder**!" 

Dib braced himself for the robotic defenses.  Indeed, three robotic limbs glided through the air and seized the girl at the window.  She screamed as limbs swallowed her.

"No, not that one," Zim shouted sternly, "The _other_ one!"

The limbs dropped the girl from midair and immediately assaulted Dib.  He ran toward the door shrieking as one arm removed his towel-made turban.  Backed against the door, he evaded the second arm but flew into the path of the third arm.  Dib soon found himself locked in the cold embrace of metallic limbs.

"I'm not abandoning the base, but I have a most delicious plan." Zim said stoically and left for his Voot Cruiser. 

"NO!" Dib cried in agony but stopped short, "Oh wait…"


	7. The Glorious End

The Glorious End 

Zim climbed into his Voot Cruiser and pressed a button to unlock a compartment.  Zim cackled as the compartment sprung open to reveal dozens of Zim's disguise.  "Pathetic human."

After he adjusted his eyes and hair, Zim called to Gir through one of his gadgets, "Gir, if they get inside the base, activate the gnomes."

"Master, I will," Gir responded hysterically and slurped loudly.  In the background Dib screamed, "Release me! Release me, now!"

Meanwhile, on Zim's yard…

A greasy-looking blond man was dressed in camouflage pajamas and pink bunny slippers. He was obviously the leader and he rallied the mob, "Alright men, the dogs tell us that we are close.  We must have found the alien's hideout."

One man, the local sheriff (a fat donut-chomping man), shouted, "Eh, what do we do now, Greasy?"

"Hmm," Greasy thought hard, "Let's tell the alien that we don't like his boots…on our planet!"

The crowd cheered and waved their torches and roared, "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US."

"All your base?" Zim wondered and accelerated his cruiser from the attic.  The crowd was too busy protesting to notice Zim land several yards behind them.  Zim set the cruiser to auto pilot and ordered it to return to base.  He scowled at the crowd and yelled, "Hey!  HEY! Hey you there!"

The crowd turned to stare at the strange-looking Zim.  They became silent and confused.  Greasy emerged and said, "Hey kid, what are you doing here? Go home. Only adults are allowed to vandalize property _at night_."

Zim cleared his throat, "My friends, I'm here tonight because I have caught the alien."

Excited gasps and whispering ran through the crowd of old, young, and smelly.

"He is a prisoner in my house," Zim pointed to his house. 

"Let's make him into _meat_balls," declared an Italian chef in chef attire. 

"I want his **blood**," Count Coco fang drooled.

"I'll get him for you, if you'd like." Zim smirked.

Greasy, who had looked at him doubtfully, suddenly became cordial, "Well in that case, go ahead."

Zim approached his porch and the crowd made way for him to reach his door.  Zim stopped at his door and added, "However, we must execute the **alien**."

Shouts of approval rose from the crowd and a woman decided to strip.  Zim smiled at the jubilant humans who praised him.

"Tonight," Zim said proudly,  "We go to the local executioner's block.  And it will be a most **glorious** execution!"

The crowd shushed and watched Zim.  When Zim opened the door, he looked up for his foe and the crowd gasped with anticipation.  Suddenly, a blow sent Zim tumbling into the mob.

"Traitor!"  A spectacled alien in trench coat emerged from the door and pounced on Zim.

The crowd formed a tight ring around the contenders and cheered when Zim jabbed "the alien" repeatedly in the jaw.  Blood spurted from Dib's nose as his head flew back, and he lay on the ground motionless.  Zim stood over the fallen Dib to speak to the crowd, but Dib took the opportunity to grab Zim's legs and slammed him facedown to the ground.  Dib crawled forward and his hands reached for Zim's face.  

Zim rolled over to see Dib's approaching hand and shrieked, "GET THE ALIEN!"

The crowd roared a war cry, pulled Dib away, and lifted him amidst angry torch fire.  Dib was stunned and knew only to save himself. Dib shouted in a familiar voice not his own, "Computer, turn on the gnomes!"

Eyes slowly glowed red and lasers beamed from the lawn gnomes.  Smoke and the smell of cooked flesh descended upon the screaming crowd, and Dib and Zim returned to fight hand-to-hand in the chaos.  

"Computer," Zim panted as he dodged a punch, "I am ZIM!"

"No, I am!" Dib gasped and nearly tripped on a dismembered arm.

"Computer, remove **him**!" The two shouted simultaneously.

Metallic limbs flew out of the door and flew into the rescue.  Dib and Zim found themselves both entangled in a web of metal.

Meanwhile inside the base, Gir pulled open the stove door and inserted a tray of cupcake batter.  He eagerly flicked the switch.  Instantly, the gnomes came to a halt and the lasers vanished.  They stood mutely among maimed and burnt bodies that littered the yard.  Greasy and most of the others had managed to stay alive.

Zim called to the crowd, "Release me!  We must eliminate this alien now!"

A mechanic emerged with a chainsaw and began releasing Zim.  Dib, however, they removed him in his metal prison.

*** *** ***

Gaz sipped some soda and savored some pizza.  She watched the television with an amused look.

"It is 12 am at the local execution," WHUH anchorman said happily, "We are about to witness the torture, mangling, and eventual death of the monster that ravaged our city!"

"Ah, yes," said a bright looking co-hostess, "It's a beautiful morning for guts to flood the autopsy table."

Both anchors looked at the screen.  The alien with glasses was stretched on a table with each of his limbs tied to the four corners.  He struggle fiercely and screamed, "I'm not an alien!  I'm DIB!  Gaz!  Dad! Where are you?"

The anchorman laughed gently, "And he's sure a fiesty one!  Oooh, Kate, look at him scream and struggle, isn't that just adorable?"

"That's right Ted and he thinks he isn't an alien!" Kate joined Ted's laughter and suddenly stopped, "Oh, but look!  The execution is about to begin.  Let's watch in!"

The camera made a sweep around the sea of restless people that had gathered around the execution platform.  Hundreds of tiny torchlight flickered merrily but one floodlight shone on the platform and Dib.  When a dark figure approached the autopsy table, the camera zoomed in onto Zim and the victim.  

Zim leered at Dib, "Maybe they'll name this one after me."

Zim looked at his patient.  Dib so resembled an Irken that Zim shuddered at the thought of the autopsy.

"Here are your tools," the mystery girl entered silently and wheeled in a cart with sharp medical instruments.  She promptly disappeared into the darkness.

Biting his lower lip, Zim grabbed a scalpel and it gleamed blindingly.  He fingered and studied the knife.

"Zim," Dib said panic-stricken, "You're only killing yourself.  I have your blood; I have your organs; I…am…**you**."

Zim lowered his eyes and scowled the imposter.  He slammed the knife down…into the tray.  The knife trembled and flickered and Dib held his breath. Zim hissed, "You will never be Zim.  I am the only ZIM."

Zim reminisced back to recess and the children, Blue and Green.  In one of his mile-deep labs, he had experimented turning them into aliens and then back, and the experiments were supposed to work but they always went horribly wrong.  The children were never completely alien or completely human again.  Zim wondered if it had anything to do with removing too many organs.

"Hmm…" Zim peered at Dib's lips and his left claw felt for a pair of tonsils, "Mmmm. Hmm."

"What?!  Zim, what are you doing?" Dib's eyes widened.

"Oh balogney," Zim smiled.  Suddenly Zim frowned fiercely and plied Dib's mouth open with tonsils.  He plunged his hand into Dib's mouth until his elbow was barely visible.  Zim fumbled a bit in Dib's insides and pulled out an organ.  As the crowd cheered at the bloody lung, Zim stared at Dib who had turned a very pale green.  Zim scowled and jammed the organ along with his arm back through Dib's mouth.  The next time, Zim emerged with a long white organ, and the crowd grew more frenzied for blood. Dib could scream now, and his shriek rose faintly above the roaring crowd.  "That," Zim told the tortured Dib with a grin, "_was_ your squeedly spooch." 

It's not what you think! I swear!  Unless if you've been reading really really carefully, you'd think I just killed Dib and Zim is the ultimate evil.  I have to admit I love Zim and evilness **is** sexy…but _I'm_ not that evil.  So read the epilogue, man, you'll see how things turn out.


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue

"My job here is finished," Zim told the crowd and the camera followed him disappear into the crowd.

"Welcome back, folks!  If you just joined us, you have missed a glorious autopsy." Kate smiled widely at the news camera, "Now we're going to watch the alien die!"

Suddenly the crowd began booing and several gave loud catcalls.  Someone even blasted an air horn.

Ted squinted at the display screen and told cameras, "A horrible crime has been committed."

The crowd was angry and threw their torches at random buildings.  Fights immediately broke out among those who lost their torches.  The sound of an explosion thundered, and the police station next door burst into a firework of flames. Its inmates joined into the brawl.  Naked people danced in the fire.

Kate said solemnly, "Yes, there was no alien after all."

The camera ignored the bloody and fiery fights surrounding the platform and zoomed onto Dib.  Dib had managed to free himself and hugged himself. "I'm ME again!"

He danced on the table and laughed and shouted, "I don't have a squeedly spooch!"

The experiment had worked; Zim's experiment had worked.  The squeedly spooch was the essence of alien-kind. Dib laughed hysterically and yelled, "I'm the king of the world!"

Suddenly, rough hands grabbed Dib's shoulder.  "Son, you are under arrest."

"Wait, no! What did I do? What about the mob?" Dib struggled in their iron grasp and cried, "Just look at the naked people!"

"What did you do?" The dark arresting officer cocked his head at Dib.  "You're arrested for bombing the police station with torches, releasing the prisoners, dancing naked on the street, and—"

Dib grimaced.

The officer scowled at the boy, "And…making too much noise."

The police hauled Dib away screaming.

*** *** ***

"Hey, Dib," an inmate jeered, "You're on the news again."

Dib raised his head from a book and glanced at the prison television.

Ted shook his head disapprovingly, "The prank boy, Dib, was convicted guilty of all charges he faced, except bank robbery.  He is currently at the juvenile correction center for some…brainwashing."

"A pity that his sentence lasts for only 5 years," Kate continued reporting, "But the people can rest assured that there is no such thing as an 'alien.'  Young Mr. 'the alien' Dib has been blacklisted from every job he might seek in his 'career.'"

Dib narrowed his eyes and raised his book, _The Art of Vengeance_, and continued reading.

Yay!  Happily ever after. Sike.  I'm gonna write a sequel about Dib's revenge. MWAHAH. Or at least how he gets out of juvenile detention.


	9. Author's Note

Author's Note 

Disclaimer: I do not own any cartoon characters.

**The thank yous:**

I thank all of you who were brave enough to read/review my story.  I LOVE you or…something like that.  As for the rest of you, you are all cowards and deserve to die horribly.

**The blab:**

The Zim universe is written in the way I see it (You're watching from inside my head, imagine that!). Yes, it is rather disturbing, but I do have a disturbed mind.  I don't mind, though, it doesn't hurt.  If you thought that my story was actually funny, because you find that graphic mutilation of children, excessive violence toward children, and biology is funny, then you have found the right author.  So laugh on, laugh maniacally, my friends!

**Comment on Chapter 1:**

I'm going to assume that in the Irken military system, there is no death penalty.  If you disobey or make a mistake, you commit suicide so you don't endanger the mission.  Suicide by removal of vital organs seems to be the nastiest punishment I can think of. 

**Comment on Chapter the last few**

Yes, the mystery girl will remain a mystery.  She is important for the sequel, The Breakfast Club.  

Love,

Fiona Bunny


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